Who Will Marry Adetutu?
It’s 12:10 on a Thursday night or rather, Friday morning. ‘Deep calleth unto deep’ by Nosa and Abbey Ojomu is playing loudly from my laptop. I am listening. No. I am charging my environment. My mind is somewhere else.
I am thinking. Daydreaming. Creating my husband. My perfect man. My person. My partner. It does not help that I spoke to my best friend today. My best friend is a man that I loved for 8 years. I don’t love him anymore though. I outgrew loving him. Actually, I grew in Christ and my desires changed. Now, I want someone different. My perfect man has changed and he is no longer picture perfect. The problem is, I do not know how to tell him this. I do not want him to hate God or think God is the reason he is losing me. Already, he has a strained relationship with God and I do not want him to question God’s love even more.
His relationship with God has always been of concern to me, because I love God. I love God a lot and I loved him too. But now, I love God more. Thankfully. It took a while for me to get here. For me to get to a point where God was all that mattered. To accept the model of man God prescribed. It took 8 years. Crazy. But I am here now and I couldn’t be happier.
The problem is now, he is moving to Nigeria after 8 years in the UK. I just might be forced to let him know the posture of my heart now. I’d rather face this difficult conversation with God than face the difficult conversation of explaining to God why I let a man I do not love kiss me.
You see, this is the part I really love about reigniting your relationship with God. The childlike conscience. The childlike love. It’s truly exciting. Everything matters, everything counts and you just want to make God proud. I pray I always feel this way.
It’s 12:22 now and I have some work to do, so I need to get to work. Deep calleth unto deep is still playing. It’s a pretty long song. I like that. That’s it. That’s all for now dear journal. I hope I have the energy to write to you tomorrow night. In the meantime, that’s all the tea from the life and times of a 22 year old trying to figure out life. Life with christ.
Till tomorrow,
Adetutu
