Diary of a Very Tired Employee – Episode 1

Today I failed. Again.

Today was one of ‘those’ Mondays.

I had our usual Monday catch-up meeting, and once again, I left feeling… incompetent. Inadequate. Just downright depressed. That makes it the fourth Monday in a row that’s ended like this. Honestly, this whole quarter has been rough (for context, it’s 2024, we’re in Q2, and yes—I’m a corporate marketing girlie who casually throws around terms like Q2, KPI, and conversion rate 😩).

I didn’t cry today though. That’s a win. A small one, but I’ll take it.

Still, it’s getting depressing. Lately, almost every day feels like a sad day. And I hate working right now—which is so unlike me! I’m usually very motivated. I take a little too much pride in my work. I’m a perfectionist, and honestly, I used to love that about myself.

Back in school (which, by the way, was just two years ago), I was the girl that always got it right. Top of my class. Best graduating student. Miss Know-It-All. Always ready. Never tired. The whole shebang.

So this feeling of failing? It’s new. It’s unfamiliar. It’s deeply uncomfortable. And I am struggling.

I feel like I’m failing at work—and failing at holding myself together.

Okay, maybe I’m being a little dramatic. I do have a bad habit of building sandcastles in my head. Things often feel much worse in the moment than they actually are.

So let me narrate the story. You be the judge.

Last week, I was late to submit a creative. (Like I said, I’m a marketing girlie—kinda like a tech sis, but much cooler. That’s the lie I tell myself so I can sleep at night. And I struggle with insomnia, so I really need those lies. I usually have to tell myself at least 10,000 stories before I can fall asleep.)

Anyway, I was late to submit a creative for SME Day. Not technically late, because the event is still four days away. But the team agreed to submit a week before, so… yeah. I was also late the week before that—for Father’s Day.

Now this one I can explain.

Technically, I submitted early. But it had to go through a bunch of corrections, which delayed things. Not entirely my fault. I’m not the graphic designer. There were external factors, I promise!

Still, I got dragged in the meeting. Again.

Last week, it was all about me and my poor timing. The week before that, it was about how I can’t follow structure. And the week before that? Oh, I got into a full-blown argument with a colleague who said I was trying to make him look bad.

Am I the problem?

I don’t think so.

I’m busting my ass for this job. I don’t even have a life outside of work—on most days, anyway. And yet, nothing I do seems to be enough. No appreciation. No applause. No “well done.” (Which stings, by the way. Words of affirmation are my top love language, and let’s just say… I’m feeling very unloved. It doesn’t help that I’m also very, very single.)

Anyway—thanks for coming to my TED RANT™. (This is now my official sign-off for every journal entry. One day, I’ll say it on the actual red carpet.)

For now, I’ve forgotten what else I wanted to write because my mum and twin just walked in and told me the most hilarious story on earth. I’ll gist you about that later.

But before I go, I did talk to them about how terrible my day was—and they encouraged me. My twin, in particular, looked me dead in the eye and said:

“BONE IT.”

So that’s the word for the day.
BONE IT.